Redefining “It Is What It Is”

We’ve all heard it—or said it—before: “It is what it is.” For many, this phrase feels like resignation, a verbal shrug that says, “I can’t do anything about this.” 

But what if we could redefine it?

When used intentionally, “It is what it is” becomes a marker of clarity and closure—as long as we agree what IT means. It signals that a conversation, a feedback loop, or even a conflict has reached a point of mutual understanding. It’s not about giving up—it’s about letting go of what’s been resolved and setting aside what can’t currently be resolved so you can move forward with peace and focus.

The Problem with Open Loops

Unresolved conversations or misunderstandings feel like unfinished puzzles to Neurosparklers. These open loops linger in our minds, taking up space and energy. They create friction in relationships, leaving us wondering: Did they understand what I meant? Did I miss something? Will this come up again later?

When feedback loops remain open:

• Miscommunication persists.

• Frustration builds.

•  Trust erodes over time.

“It is what it is” becomes powerful when it’s used to close these loops—to say, “We’ve both been seen, heard, and understood. Now we can let this rest.”

How “It Is What It Is” Can Be a Tool for Closure

When used with intention, “It is what it is” isn’t a statement of defeat—it’s a declaration of equanimity. Here’s how to use it effectively:

1. Acknowledge the Present Reality:

Recognize the current situation without resistance or denial. Instead of fighting what’s already happened, accept it as a starting point.

2. Confirm Mutual Understanding:

Before moving forward, ensure both parties feel seen and heard. This might mean asking, “Do you feel like we’re on the same page?” or stating, “I think we understand each other now.”

3. Let Go of the Loop:

Once the feedback loop is closed, resist the urge to revisit it unless something changes. “It is what it is” becomes the signpost that says: This is resolved for now.

By redefining the phrase as a statement of equanimity, it becomes a tool for clarity, not complacency.

Why This Matters

In relationships, unresolved loops lead to recurring conflicts, second-guessing, and emotional exhaustion. When both parties feel a conversation is truly closed, it’s like placing a stitch in the weighted blanket of trust—a foundation that supports both people moving forward.

Using “It Is What It Is” in the Daily Vision Questionnaire Practice

Here’s how you might apply this in real life: The first Daily Question is What Is? It sets the stage for the other questions by honestly assessing What Is. Because as we know, It is what it is.

During a Difficult Conversation:

After addressing the core issue, confirm understanding of the current status quo:

“I think we’ve covered everything. Do you feel like we’ve reached a good understanding of the circumstances?”

If the answer is yes, close the loop with: “Okay. It is what it is.”

When Letting Go of a Conflict:

Not every situation can be resolved in real time. Sometimes, we have to agree to revisit a situation later and accept that It is what it is - even if we wish it wasn’t

“We’ve said what needed to be said. I’m ready to let this rest.”

• Follow with: “It is what it is.”

• For Personal Reflection:

Use it to release overthinking about something you can’t change:

• “This didn’t go the way I wanted, but it is what it is. What next based on the feedback loop I just closed?”

Moving from Resignation to Peace

Redefining “It is what it is” doesn’t mean giving up or shutting down. It is in fact the secret key to avoiding shutdowns and meltdowns for me anyway. It means finding peace in shared understanding and clarity of the circumstances we find ourselves in. It’s about knowing when to let go—not because you’re powerless, but because you’re ready to move forward.

When you use this phrase as a marker of closure, it transforms from a verbal shrug to a profound statement of equanimity.

Equanimity: The Power of Letting Go

The next time you say “It is what it is,” ask yourself: Is this a sign of resignation, or is it a moment of clarity?

By redefining this phrase, you can turn it into a tool for trust, connection, and peace—a way to close loops and move forward with intention.